and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
