It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
