you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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