hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
