You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
