Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Terrible idea I love it
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
