i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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