Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
