I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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