so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
