My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
