I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
