I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
