I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i wish my penis had a tongue
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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