so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
