You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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