he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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