either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
