sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
