As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
3pm strippers are depressing
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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