Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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