I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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