so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
