As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Everything about him screamed your future.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
