Bisexual people are plain selfish.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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