Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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