Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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