I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
This show inspires me to have sex in space
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
