It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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