it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
