real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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