I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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