your room smells of hookers.
And success
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
