Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
