The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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