piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
