i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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