Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
