I just saw a hot homeless man
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
