maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
