the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
