I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
