i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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