My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
