Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
