I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
