I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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