Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
