can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
