I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
