We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
