Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
