there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize