whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
