he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
