i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
