Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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