Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
