a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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