Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
