I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
