I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize