Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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