I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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