Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
