just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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