She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he thought i was a dude.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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