There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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