Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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