Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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