...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
