I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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