I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Lo siento on account of my penis...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
