i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
