So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You ate ashes out of my bong
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
