his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
