The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You pole danced in your parka.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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