As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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