grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
