I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize